The Drinking Issue

Dear Probe,

I have read about ‘drinking alcohol (In God allowance) in your website. I want to clarify some doubt which may help my life.

Iam a born again married Christian. I accept the passage what you mentioned about alcohol. I also follow THE SAME and drink occasionally like what you mentioned (not drunk). But my wife is not accepting what i do infact even i recommend ‘Red wine’ which is good for heart, digestion and even some health benifits if we consume it in the God’s allowance. She didnt accept it. My question follows from the passage you mentioned (marked in red) in your website as below :

If he wants a glass of wine at a meal at home, you do not have to have one too, but you also should not judge him for having one. If it becomes something habitual, and seems to be gaining greater control, I think you have a right to talk to him about it and express your concern. “Becoming one” in a marriage is not something based upon both people thinking the same things or doing the same things. (Read full article here.)

NOW I DONT WANT TO STUMBLE OR INTERFERE IN HER FREEDOM ON THIS ISSUE MY WIFE …I DONT MIND IF SHE NOT TAKE A GLASS OF WINE IN MEALS………..BUT SHE IS NOT ACCEPTING ME TO TAKE (LIKE JUDGING ME)…….

CAN I TAKE A GLASS OF WINE WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE. THIS IS MY QUESTION? IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO HIDE FROM HER TO DRINK….IT IS THAT SHE DIDNT UNDERSTOOD WHAT IAM DOING. PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS ISSUE.

Fredrick,

Thanks so much for writing in to Probe. We very much appreciate hearing from and getting questions from our readers. I’m sorry that this difficulty has arisen in your marriage. Issues like this one can be very personal for some, making it nearly impossible for them to bend or accept that drinking may be okay for others even if it isn’t okay for them. Your wife shouldn’t judge you, she should try to accept your drinking in moderation, BUT it seems she simply cannot at this time in her life, and she may never be able to. That being the case, you must give her grace and give up your right to have an occasional glass of wine.

So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense. It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother or sister stumbles. (Romans 14:19-21)

Whatever you do, DO NOT deceive your wife by taking a glass of wine behind her back. If this is something you have already done, don’t beat yourself up about it, simply repent to the Lord, committing by his grace never do it again. Turn your face in this new direction and don’t look back.

I love an occasional glass of wine, but wine is not important enough to disturb the peace of Christ among believers. It’s a preference I can easily give up for the sake of unity in Christ (though admittedly I wouldn’t be happy about it at first; I’d get over it).

May the Lord bless you and your wife and your marriage as he refines you both through it.

Grace and Peace in our Lord.

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4 Responses to The Drinking Issue

  1. Val says:

    You know how I feel about this. Great answer. 🙂

  2. Brian says:

    Wise, biblical answer, Renea. So good.

    The only thing I would add would be for the husband to consider writing down his thoughts, making sure he has biblical evidence to support this, and then going through this with his wife. This would allow him to be a spiritual leader. It would also allow her to take time to really see where he’s coming from when the issue of the glass of the wine is, literally, not on the table. Lastly, maybe it would give her a chance to respond with her own biblical evidence.

    From the letter, it sounds like the issue is a constant stresser, but not one they have systematically discussed, outside of when the topic comes up.

    • reneamac says:

      Thanks Brian. (Sorry for the late response; I just got back in town from a wonderful wedding, and I’m catching up. :)) Good suggestion, especially if the couple are in a position, educationally I suppose (Bible or otherwise) to do this.

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