12 Year-Olds Dating: I blame the Disney Channel… and parents.

When I first got this question, I didn’t think I would post it because the answer’s kinda a no-brainer. But I surprised myself, or I should say the Spirit surprised me, as my response began to turn into a sort of letter to my 12 14 year-old self.

Dear Renea,

I have lots of friends that are dating and are only 12 and some of them have kissed… is that a sin?

Hi Christina,

Thanks for writing. It’s not a sin. Unless they’re going behind their parents’ backs. Or if they know God doesn’t want them dating this particular boy and they are doing it anyway. But kissing is not the sin in those cases, disobedience is.

Still, just because something is not a sin, doesn’t make it smart.

You can’t control your friends, and you shouldn’t judge them in your heart either, but you can make wise choices for yourself. And you can lead by example. You can be focusing on your relationship with Christ instead of, or at least more than, romantic relationships with boys that neither of you is really ready for and most likely won’t last anyway.

As a result of deepening your relationship with God, you can find security and confidence in yourself, in who you are in Christ, and you won’t need to constantly have a boyfriend to feel good about yourself like some of your friends do. That’s not to say you shouldn’t ever want to have a boyfriend or that dating is never important. But someday your boyfriends and your dating relationships will be a part of your relationship with God, rather than something that takes the place of God.

This kind of true self confidence will be something many of your friends won’t understand. Some of them will probably try to make fun of you to assuage their discomfort… they’re probably not really your friends anyway. But others will get it, or they’ll want to get it, and that will be a great opportunity for you to share the life of Christ with them in fellowship as believers or as a witness to non-Christians.

I hope that’s helpful, Christina. Please write again if you have other questions or want more advice about something.

With love,

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