I know we’re sinning, but…

Hi. I am going out with my boyfriend 10 years and we are engaged to be married. I know we are committing a mortal sin by living together but I was hoping I could explain

my situation to see what you think. I would love to have gotten married years ago but my mother was an alcoholic then – she would drink an awful lot of vodka during the day, would drive and come home with car crashed and wouldn’t have a clue what happened to it – how could I get married with this atmosphere? She has had numerous breakdowns and depression so for her, she would get extremely anxious if she thought I was getting married. Her and my dad hate each other. We can’t be in the same room as each other because it is horrendous. And now – my mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She is going through chemo and has lost all her hair and is quite physically sick – how can I plan a wedding with this? A few months before her diagnosed, my boyfriends dad battled bowel cancer for a year and died from it. I just don’t know what to do and am very upset over it. Yes I know it’s a mortal sin but how can I organise a wedding where my parents will probably have a huge fight at it and my mum will probably make herself even sicker with worry about it. She will be really upset if she heard that we are getting married as she will look ill on the day etc… I have thought about going abroad – just the 2 of us – but that’s probably wrong too. I really feel like God is punishing me for my mistakes. Please help me and I really would appreciate any advice that you could give me. Thanks.

Hi Mary.

Thanks for writing. There’s nothing wrong with eloping or having a destination wedding. I do believe weddings ought to be communal (because the Christian life is communal), so if you can have a few people in your lives who love you—doesn’t have to be either of your parents—be there to take part in your vows to one another and celebrate with you, that’s great. But that’s not always possible, and that’s okay.

Christ always forgives. Repent of your past and move on. Get married and devote your life and your marriage to Christ.

By Christ’s Grace, I write to you
Renea

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2 Responses to I know we’re sinning, but…

  1. Angela says:

    Mary, My husband and I decided to have a destination wedding just because our families’ schedules didn’t work with our plans. We saved our money, flew to Hawaii, got married, and then stayed and enjoyed a wonderful and relaxing honeymoon. We made sure to have the wedding photographed and recorded (still MUCH MUCH cheaper than a traditional wedding), and we had a small reception for our friends and family where we enjoyed dinner and desserts, watched the wedding video and just spent time together. It was much less stressful from my high-anxiety mom and everyone in our family that wanted to join in still got to experience the wedding without all the formality. (Maybe you could invite your dad over for a private dinner at another time and enjoy the video with him at a later date). If you are concerned about your mom’s health, you can still get married in a beautiful place, but simply postpone the honeymoon for a well-deserved vacation down the road when she has recovered and no longer needs your assistance. Just suggestions from a happy destination wedding bride! Hope everything works out!

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