Long Distance Marital Masturbation

When I travel away from home, my wife and I exchange videos through technology, she masturbates and sends the video to me and I use it to masturbate as well, some times we send pictures of each of us and both use it to masturbate. I only use my wife’s videos to masturbate. May I know if is a sin? It really helps me and her when we are both aroused. It also helps her have orgasm.

Thanks for writing. There is no biblical support for the idea that mutual masturbation in marriage is a sin. This is something that both you and your wife benefit from and with today’s technology, you are able to be together in a way even when you are traveling—it isn’t ideal, and it does not replace actually, physically being together, but it is something that helps during the temporary time you’re apart. We do know that the Bible recommends being together as regularly as possible:

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. (1 Cor. 7)

I would say that we do need to safeguard our uses of technology because accounts can be hacked into and so forth, but as to whether or not what you and your wife are doing is a sin, it is not. I hope that helps put you at ease.

Grace and Peace.

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4 Responses to Long Distance Marital Masturbation

  1. Adam Jones says:

    That title is a real attention getter! Good post; SOMEONE in the fold of Christianity needs to talk about sex.

  2. Rick Wade says:

    So now sex is not only not primarily for procreation; now whether or not two bodies actually touch isn’t important? Is it a sin?. It’s at minimum a deviation from the norm. The Scripture you quoted implies that, there could be abstention for awhile, but “then come back together again.” There’s no biblical statement about this specific practice, but one wouldn’t expect the writers of Scripture to think of every deviation possible (and surely not ones made possible by modern technology). At least this is unwise. It justifies a reductionist conception of sin, it breaks down the protective barrier of privacy if ever so little, and it gets one accustomed to engaging in sex before a camera which is a tilt toward the option of having another audience besides one’s spouse. Does this man know without a shadow of a doubt that no one could get hold of the videos? What would he do if one suddenly showed up online? Stories of people getting others’ racy videos and posting them online are not rare. Would it be worth it? Is it really that hard to not wait until he’s home?

    So I have to disagree with you on this one. One thing this man should not be is at ease with this.

    • reneamac says:

      I’m not suggesting there needs to be an explicit statement from Scripture about this uniquely contemporary situation; that would be beyond ridiculous, and indeed a reductionistic conception of sin. My reason for quoting from 1 Cor 7 is to support my saying in the sentence prior that the situation is not ideal and does not replace physical togetherness. Altogether, the cautions you give, about togetherness and about technology, I gave, though not as strongly. I don’t know for how long his travels keep them apart; I don’t know how young they are, nor how newly married they are, so your question about how hard it is to wait might be a bit unfair. All that being said, the reemphasis on the dangers of technology contributes particular value to the discussion; thanks for your comment.

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